Category Archives: Leadership

Posted on

How to Thrive In A Tough Season

I know that title is pretty broad — I can’t do anything about some of the frustrations in your life.  I can’t do anything about that guy whose trash blows in your yard.  Or the guy on the interstate who cuts you off with no blinker.  And you really can’t do much about it, either.  Just get over yourself and get over them. 🙂

But there are some larger, enduring frustrations that I’ve experienced that I bet you have too.  And THOSE, I can teach you something about.  It’s the frustration that comes with seasons in your life.

I know you’re familiar with the concept of seasons of the year, but you might not have thought of life in terms of seasons.

3 things you need to remember to keep from being frustrated about seasons:

1. Seasons come in a micro- and a macro- version.

Here are some examples of micro-seasons:

  • Recovery from a medical procedure.
  • Bouncing back from a very busy project
  • Adjusting to a new neighborhood after moving

Examples of macro-seasons:

  • Raising young children
  • Old age
  • Teenage years

For micro-seasons, you just need to wait them out, and take some short term actions — medication, rest, etc.

For macro-seasons, you’ll need to adjust your attitude, check your values, and engage in personal growth.

2. Seasons are not something you can control.

You can’t just decide you’re not going to participate in this season any more.  You can’t stop most seasons of life any more than you can stop spring or winter from coming.

So the solution to the frustration can’t be found in how to change the season… it’s got to be found in how I respond to it.

3. You can’t control seasons, but you can choose your attitude.

iStock_000004003533XLarge

The old saying “It’s not what happens to you, it’s what happens IN you,” applies here.  Author and holocaust survivor Victor Frankl said,
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom….When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves.”

So here are some ways that I have dealt with seasons, while trying to keep my attitude positive:

1. Watch your words.

Early in my ministry, when we were frustrated about a season we were facing, Liz and I would often say to each other, dramatially, “Well, in the grand scale of 30 years of ministry…”  It was usually good for a chuckle, but it did more.  It became a tagline that allowed us to “zoom out” and see the season from the larger perspective.

Be careful of your words.  They don’t just reveal your perspective — they help create it!  And your perspective helps create your reality… Create wisely.

2. Find the funny.

20151122_100932

Kids have been probably the defining season of this part our life.  I have a saying my wife and I have laughed over for the last few years: “Someday, I’m going to change the world, but right now I have to change this kid’s diaper.”  It helps me laugh, and remember the delicious irony of a young kid that thought he was going to change the world through his career in ministry — then had 6 kids, and discovered that he needed to change himself first.

3. Grow.

Sam Chand says, “A leader can only grow up to the level of his tolerance for pain.”  Seasons can be full of pain.

But they are also prime places for “the growth that happens before the growth.”  You know what I mean by that, right?  It’s what Steven Covey calls the “private victory” that always precedes “public victory.”

I know what it’s like to be dealing with a season while wishing to be out “kicking behind and taking names.”  But while you’re waiting, don’t waste the time.  This is captured beautifully in John Waller’s song “While I’m Waiting” from the movie Fireproof. Check it out if you need some encouragement:

These are some behind the scenes areas where you can grow during tough seasons:

  • Attitudes
  • Personal Discipline
  • Family habits
  • Reading
  • Personal devotional time
  • Working on a new skill
  • Improving an old skill
  • Investing in a relationship
  • Seeking out coaching
  • Developing teamwork in your church/family
  • Creating better systems
  • Creating morning and evening routines

Choose your attitude.  Watch your words.  Create your plan.  You’re going to get through this.

Who do you know that’s in a tough season right now?  Share this with them!

Posted on

How to Be Less Overwhelmed in 20 Minutes

The Christmas season is wonderful — and incredibly busy.  The programs, the gifts, the family time, the sermons, the special events, the dinners, the last-minute details… it can all add up to a huge stress load.  What if you could take 15 minutes and lower your stress level — feel less overwhelmed, more in control, and ready to get something done?  Would that be attractive?

how to be less overwhelmed in 15 minutes

I’m not talking about a massage, a medication, or the proverbial ‘stiff drink.’  Those are attempts to escape stress.  I’m talking about looking that giant hairy stress monster in the face & cutting it down to size.

Is that really possible?  Don’t doubt me until you’ve tried these 5 simple steps:

Posted on

Free Training Video for Fantastic Church Greeters

A guy came to our church a few years ago, after having visited several other churches in a search for a place to attend.  He told about entering one church with his family, a few minutes late.  People turned around and stared through the glass doors, but not one person welcomed them.  Not one person got up and came back to the foyer to open a door for them.  They felt unwelcome — so they left.  The next Sunday, they came to our church.  They’ve been here ever since.

I probably don’t have to convince you that greeters are important.

But we’ve all seen people at the back doors who really weren’t … up to it.  They weren’t smiling.  They weren’t attentive.  They weren’t thoughtful.  They just handed you a program as you went past.

So what makes a great church greeter?  What sends a greeter from “person who hands out the programs” to “person who hosts the party in the foyer?”  Personality?  Natural charisma?  Experience?

Those might help, but I think the real difference maker is one word:  TRAINING.

See, if you’re not clear about what’s expected, people don’t know how to WIN.

If you’d never played baseball before, when you hit the ball and someone yells “RUN!” — they’d have to teach you that what you’re really trying to do is get all the way around to home plate!  Good training clarifies what it means to win.

So at our church, we have a training document (2 actually).  I just sat down with a new greeter 2 weeks ago, and did training with them.  After I did it, I thought “This would be great to share with my readers!”

So here you go: a free video (less than 15 minutes) that will help clarify what it means to WIN for your greeters at your church:

Greeter Training Video from Darrell Stetler II on Vimeo.

By the way, this video is part of the Small Church Pastor Coaching Program.

I’ve released hours of video training for pastors… including a complete guest follow-up system, and HOW to implement it.

7 STeps to Build a Killer Guest Follow-Up System - webinar

In this webinar, you’ll discover:

    • how my failure in a key outreach event changed our guest followup forever.
    • how to effectively collect info from first time guests
    • how to consistently stay in touch with people
    • tips for convincing your congregation to start a guest followup system
    • how to help people see your church as friendly
    • how to do all this without significantly increasing your work load!

Check out Small Church Pastor Coaching Program here.

Loading…
Posted on

My Spectacular Failure in Food Pantries

And what I learned from it...

Lexi was an enthusiastic new attender of our church.  She was about 35.  She, her husband & several kids all lined up and nearly filled a pew — back when a full pew was a rarity in our church.  She invited others.  She seemed hungry for the Word of God.  She even seemed eager to put the Word into practice.  I still remember when she called me one Sunday afternoon after I preached on reconciliation, and told me she’d called her dad and asked his forgiveness.  They had not spoken in years.

She had enthusiasm and ideas.  One Sunday, she came up to me and asked if she could start a food pantry ministry.  I was all for it!  We live in an economically poor area where 34% of households are under $20k/yr income.  People called the church all the time asking for food or other help.

She started working.  She named the ministry “Love Thy Neighbor Food Pantry.”  She set up a simple, free website.  She called grocery stores and got managers to donate food.  She called furniture manufacturers and got a lumber donation to build shelves.  We hauled the wood to the church.

I was flying high.  This was the kind of people-helping, city-blessing ministry I’d dreamed about starting when I was a pastoral student in college!

A Sudden Change

About 3 weeks of this kind of work, one Sunday she didn’t show up for worship.  I called, and she said she wasn’t feeling well.  The next week, she was gone again, and this time she didn’t answer my calls.  I checked with a mutual friend, and what I found out floored me.

Posted on

Why Your Pastor is Tempted to Quit

And how you can help...

“Pastor.”  The word may have lost some of its respect over the years, with high-profile scandals, Hollywood hit jobs, and TV cariacatures.  But the title still conjures up good things in many American minds.  A 2011 study by Rasmussen says 70% of Americans view pastors favorably.

But pastors, honestly, through all of their healing, restoring & guiding work, can live with a lot secret pain.

According to a survey by the New York Times in 2010,

  • about 1,500 pastors per month leave the ministry due to burnout, conflict or moral failure.
  • 45% of pastors say they’ve experienced enough burnout or depression to feel the need to take significant time away from ministry
  • 57% of pastors report that they would leave ministry if they thought there was somewhere else to go
  • 75% report severe stress causing anguish, worry, bewilderment, anger, depression, fear, and alienation.
  • 80% of pastors say they have insufficient time with their spouse.
  • 33% say that being in ministry is a hazard to their families.

“Not my pastor.”

No, I hope not.  But some pastor friends of mine have reached these points.

I recently surveyed pastor across several denominations and asked them what was most frustrating in their ministry.  I gave them multiple options to choose from, as well as the ability to write their own answers.  Here’s what they told me about their greatest challenges: