Always Learning: What I Learned About Church From Walmart

In John Maxwell’s book How Successful People Think, the story is told of Sam Walton, founder of Walmart, when the store chain was just taking off.  Sam took a couple of his colleagues, regional store managers to visit some of the competition in Huntsville, AL.  Don Soderquist (later, CEO of Walmart) related the story:

“We went into one [store], and I have to tell you that it was the worst store I’ve ever seen in my life. It was terrible. There were no customers. There was no help on the floor. The aisles were cluttered with merchandise, empty shelves, dirty, it was absolutely terrible. He [Walton] walked one way and I’d walk the other way and we’d kinda meet out on the sidewalk. He said “What’d you think, Don?”

I said, “Sam, that is the absolutely worst store I’ve ever seen in my life. I mean, did you see the aisles?”

He said, “Don, did you see the pantyhose rack?”

Four Starter Steps to Fight Porn In Your Home

Pornography is big business in America.  Approximately $12 billion annually is spent on pornography.  To put that in perspective, the 100 largest missions organizations in America received 3 billion in a recent year.  Porn is about equal to the energy drink market in the US.  Close your eyes and visualize all the energy drinks in all the gas stations, grocery stores & Walmarts in America… there you go.  (If you haven’t read my last post on porn, and how pervasive it is in our culture, there are more stats there.)

In the last few weeks, a study on pornography among young people by the Barna Group commissioned by Josh McDowell was completed.  The results were startling.  76% of young people who identified as Christians sought out porn regularly.   Perhaps even more shocking were their views on it.  To quote the news story: “…while 52 percent of young Christian adults ‘would say that not recycling is morally wrong, only 32 percent would say watching pornography is morally wrong.'”

In that kind of world, how do we protect our families, our hearts, our churches?

Here are four beginning suggestions:

1. Build technological walls between your family and sin.

No one in today’s world — NO. ONE. — should have an unsecured, unfiltered internet connection. There are multiple tools available to do this, at reasonable cost (or no cost!). Invest the time. Get them. Learn them. Use them. Here are my favorites:

  •  OpenDNS – this software lives on your wireless router (not the computer), so it filters every device connected to your network. Invaluable, and free. Slightly more complicated to install than other programs. Very dependable in blocking. Not as powerful in monitoring and reporting.
  • Covenant Eyes. Filtering program for computers and phones. No child should have a smartphone or tablet without it. Not free, but excellent.
  • K9 Web Protection – Good, and free.  Custom lists, forced SafeSearch, time restrictions, reports… I’m impressed they can provide this much horsepower for free.  Multiple platforms available.
  • X3Watch – Free phone reporting app, sends your browsing history to an accountability partner. Somewhat weak on what it catches, but free. Barebones option. Also has a paid version of filtering software for computers.
  • Purify – this web service (and Chrome extension) shows Youtube videos, and strips away all the sidebars, comments, suggested videos, etc. Excellent idea for those who need to use Youtube, but dislike the abundance of sensuality & vulgarity in the suggested video thumbnails.
  • Mobicip – A free version & paid version.  Mobicip has apps & filters for all platforms.  I’m currently test driving this one on my Android phone and my PC.

2. Pray like crazy.

While we may fight with digital means, the protection of our homes is fundamentally a spiritual battle. Fasting and prayer for your family simply can’t be replaced.

3. Communicate often.

Cultivate honesty & willingness to share about these things by starting early. Talk about it with your children.

Discuss it with your spouse.  Men, share this parable with your wives:
Imagine that the Scripture condemns eating chocolate. Not only does it condemn it, but it condemns looking at it, and wanting to eat it. Then imagine that everyone ate chocolate. There were books about it. 12% of all websites were about chocolate. TV shows featured it, celebrities discussed their chocolate lives on talk shows.  Popular songs discussed chocolate openly.  Magazines and billboards featured half-unwrapped chocolate bars. Now, how hard is it not to think about chocolate?

Ladies, “Is it really like that?” is a question you need to ask of your husbands. If he’s honest, he’ll say yes.  But the conversation you have after he does will be important.

And you’ll need plenty of this next principle:

4. Create an atmosphere of grace.

I’ll be honest. You can’t build walls high enough to completely solve the problem. You can’t have enough tech tools. You can’t check up enough to prevent the possibility.  Odds are extremely high that your husband, your child, will see something impure.  Perhaps even intentionally.  What then?

Be very careful how you respond.  You have two choices: Law and Grace.

Paul says the law is clear that “the person who DOES these things shall live by them.” (Romans 10:5, NKJV). But the opposite is also true. The person who doesn’t — will die by them. And if the atmosphere of your home is one of law; if you’ve created an atmosphere of law, fear, condemnation, ultimatums… then the threat of condemnation will add to the guilt of their conscience and keep them from coming to you.  They may try to repent & seek forgiveness from Christ, but they won’t seek you out.

Please take it from me as a man who has struggled deeply in this area, received grace from others, & come thru to victory: Grace is more powerful than sin. Law is not… but grace is.

Someday I’ll share my story.  For now — grace, my friends.  Grace.

The Porn Pandemic: Is Purity Possible?

I admit it — I love the Internet.  I liked it from the first time I heard the beep beep boooop of our first dial-up modem, and saw how information came streaming into our home.  Anything I needed to know, type it in… and there it was.

Today, it’s better, smarter, and way, way faster.  My smartphone is always connected.  Google Now learns what I like and search for, and automatically shows me news stories connected to my interests.  Google Drive syncs all my files, so I can retrieve any picture or document from anywhere and send it instantly to anyone.  Amazon lets me order & ship things directly to my door.  My sermons on Youtube have been viewed 5,000 times as of this writing.  I can find the lyrics to almost any song in seconds.

A friend told me once (and I’ve repeated it many times) “Without the internet, I am like any other mortal.”

So you know I’m pro-internet.

But… I have to say this:  Be cautious, friends.  The internet is like nuclear power.  Harnessed, it’s great.  Without proper controls, it’s deadly.

No phenomenon shows this more, or is more pervasive in our culture than internet pornography.

Consider the following statistics:

  • Porn is a $60 billion industry per year worldwide – $12 billion in the USA. ($32.8 million per day!)
  • Pornography brings in more than pro baseball, basketball, football & hockey combined… more than the combined revenues of ABC, CBS & NBC.  Statistically, sports is not “America’s favorite pastime.”
  • Porn sites comprise 12% of ALL sites on the internet.
  • 25% of all search engine requests are porn-related.
  • 28000 people view porn per second.
  • 372 users every second type words to search for porn.
  • In the year 2014, one of the largest pornography video sites reported 78.9 billion video views — 11 for every person on the earth.
  • 90% of kids by age 18 have seen porn on the internet.
  • Average age of first exposure for a child is 11 yrs, usually inadvertently.
  • #1 consumer of porn: boys 12-17.

Now, after you pick your jaw up off the floor, let me hit you with one more: A university attempting to study the effects of pornography, attempted to locate a control group of men who had not been exposed to it, so they could compare them with men who had.  They cancelled the study; they were unable to find men who had not.

In that kind of world, is it even possible to be pure? 

I imagine there were those who felt the same way when Paul wrote to the Corinthians, “To the church of God which is at Corinth, to those who are sanctified in Christ Jesus, called to be saints…” (1 Cor. 1:2, NKJV)  I imagine they stopped, shook their head, and looked out the window at the towering mountain fortress of Acro-Corinth above their city.  The ancient writers say 1,000 temple prostitutes engaged in “worship” at the temple of Aphrodite.

How does anyone follow Christ and be holy in the shadow of the 1,000 prostitute temple?

But while it may seem challenging, He calls us to holiness nonetheless.

How do we protect our homes? Our children?  Our own hearts?

Filters?  Rules?  Make sure our kids never have computers?  Or visit anyone with computers?  Get rid of the internet?  (What?! How would you read my blog?!)

In my next post, I’ll be sharing 4 starter steps to protecting the atmosphere of your home against the rampant spread of pornography.

For now, I’d like to hear from you in the comments below, or on my Facebook: What are you doing to protect your home from the pornography epidemic?

10 Ways Evernote Is Making Pastoring Easier For Me

I am loving Evernote.  I had an account with Evernote for a couple years, but I confess I didn’t see the benefits & uses at the time, so I didn’t start using it. Then I read a post by Michael Hyatt on how he uses Evernote, and it opened my eyes to the possibilities. Since then, Evernote has become one of my absolute favorite tools.

It’s really useful on on a personal level — I keep my budget there, gift lists, etc. But in this post, I’ll talk about how I’m using it professionally in my ministry work. Here’s what I’m doing with it, and how it’s making my life easier as a pastor:

How to Get More Done With Less Willpower

The bank teller yesterday laughed and called me OCD. (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)  She said that because I pulled out my phone, looked at my budget and asked for $232 back in cash.  And every week I get the same amount, in exactly the same denominations.  All the tellers at my bank know.

Increasing your willpower can help avoid pastoral burnout

I’ve been called (good-naturedly) “nerd” and a bunch of other things.  But here’s the thing: I’m not OCD.  I’m not that organized in a lot of ways.  I’m not really nerd…… OK, I am a little nerdy.

But the truth is: most of what I do is not because I’m a super-organized, pocket-protector guy.  In fact, I am rather distractable, and disorganized in a lot of ways.  My wife & anyone else close to me knows.

How I discovered the power of systems

I moved to OKC, became a pastor and had a kid in the course of a year.  I felt like my whole life was spent barely “keeping the cheese on the cracker.”  It was like wet toilet paper: always falling apart at the wrong moment.  I told my wife it felt like I was juggling china plates.  (I like metaphors.)

I think I first discovered the power of systems when I organized my folder system on my laptop so I can always find what I want quickly.  That stayed in place even through the chaos.  I have re-organized it a couple times, but I still use it 11 years later.  It felt like the ONE PART of my life that was actually WORKING.  I had started to discover the truth spoken by that great guru of personal productivity, Winnie the Pooh:

“Organization is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it’s not all mixed up.” – Winnie the Pooh

What Systems Are

Here’s what I mean by a system: A way of organizing information or doing work that is a) written down and b) repeatable.

Here’s what I discovered:  Systems uphold and advance values.  Systems are the things that make visions become reality.

We’ve all been there: We have a great conversation, read a great book, have a deep time of reflection, go to a great conference — and we connect in that moment with our deepest values.  Things that resonate inside us. Then we forget.  The notes never get turned into action.  The conversation is forgotten in the rush of the “urgent.”

For a while I thought it was because the values weren’t real or intense enough.  I thought the problem was motivation… As if I really didn’t hold those values deeply enough.  You know the cruel self-talk:
“If I REALLY valued my family, I’d…”  
“If I was serious about my health, I ought to…”
“Obviously I just don’t care enough about my prayer life…” 

Sometimes, this could be the case.  But not always… maybe not even usually.  I think it’s because we have a limited supply of willpower and brainpower (I’ll be writing on this in the future!).  We can’t wake up every morning and get done the things that tug at our attention, and still create brand-new, never-before-thought-of ways to live out our deepest values!  We just don’t have the margin in today’s fast paced world.

What if there was a way that required less thinking, less willpower, less motivation and got better results?  What if you could think about it once, create a list, and then set a reminder?  What if the mental maintenance on your values dropped by 50%?

I am starting to see this in my life — with systems.

What Systems Can Do

Systems have enabled me to:

  • Get dressed faster in the morning
  • Accomplish several things I value every single day
  • Improve my relationship with my wife
  • Start improving my health
  • Prepare speeches or sermons faster and more thoroughly
  • Raise 7 kids on limited income.
  • Eliminate money fights between my wife and I
  • Cut forgetfulness in my life in half (haven’t eliminated it yet…)
  • Decrease the stress on my limited willpower
  • Focus on what matters in the middle of too many options

In Part 2 of this series on systems, I will share a process for How to Create Systems In Your Work and Life.

What about you?  What are some benefits you might reap in your life by installing systems?  

Welcome to my re-designed blog!

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Welcome to the newly remastered darrellstetler2.com!

I’ve reorganized my blog around my personal philosophy:

Making a contribution to young faith leaders by
* giving from my gifted areas
* sharing what I’m loving and learning
* pointing the way to the next level
* providing resources that lift the load

I know.  Ministry is challenging.  And there are plenty of reasons to excuse yourself from the need to grow. Especially if you’re called to a tough place, or have a growing family, or a limited budget.  You can’t hire personal secretaries and coaches. You can’t leave the kids and go away to seminars.  But here’s what I’m learning:

The road to the next level goes through 5 places: belief, choice,  relationship, tools & faithfulness.

I’m no expert. But I’m learning how to keep growing with limited time and money. And I want to share my journey and provide a relationship and some tools.

So here are the things you’ll be seeing around this blog in the next few months:
— a preaching resource that contains YEARS worth of quality biblical messages you can edit
— tips on how to automate your life and build systems that work for you.
— how to build a life that requires less willpower so you can save it for the big choices
— how to lower stress in ministry
— video preaching help for churches and pastors that need it
— ideas for keeping your marriage strong and passionate

How about you?  What’s the biggest growth barrier you face in your home and professional life?